Civil society or civil war: What's the point of talking?

 

More on civil discourse. 

You can't win a FB argument, so why bother talking to someone you disagree with? Because it's important. We're in crisis, and unless you want a civil war, cooling things down is a good thing to do. The point of civil discourse isn't to convince your partner you're right (or passively accept your partner's view); it is to give him/her the experience of talking civilly and to strengthen bonds. Providing food for thought is a nice extra, but don't count on it.

Civil discourse is a diplomatic tool for keeping all sides at the table, open to talking, and increasingly aware of commonality.

This good, brief article: 

https://www.charleskochinstitute.org/issue-areas/free-speech-and-toleration/civil-discourse-important/

From the article: "Kenneth J. Gergen describes civil discourse as the "language of dispassionate objectivity," and suggests that it requires respect of the other participants...it neither diminishes the other's moral worth, nor questions their good judgment; it avoids hostility, direct antagonism, or excessive persuasion; it requires modesty and an appreciation for the other participant's experiences."

From Wikipedia: "Civil discourse is engagement in discourse (conversation) intended to enhance understanding." 

Here are some specific suggestions for successful discourse, based on my experience. 

• No sarcasm. 
• No temper. 
• No clever made-up names ("demotards, republitards, Christards...").
  
• Do not say, “I find it amusing...” This will be interpreted as a slight or as code for, “It really makes me angry...” 
• If you start with, “I don’t want to sound like an X...”, ask yourself why you’re saying what you’re about to say. Maybe you really are an X, but just don’t want to admit it. Maybe you know that what you’re going to say is wrong. 
• Don't preach to the choir--or at least, don't do only that. Rousing the troops is okay (but see "civil war"), but if you can also broker peace, that's better. 
• Two wrongs don't make a right. Firing back at hostility generally makes things worse.
  
• Ask a respectful question before replying to a statement. FB encourages brief posts. You need to make sure you understand, and it also makes your partner friendlier, which is the real point. You can do worse than to ask your partner to evaluate your position.
  
• No long screeds or rants. People give up half way through, and you can probably edit way back to cut duplication and asides. (I know, I just screwed up on this one.) 

If you have thoughts about civil discourse, I'd be interested to hear them. 

August 10 2020